Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
