im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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