I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
