i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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