you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
