I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
