i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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