I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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