So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize