Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
