Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
