Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
