Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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