My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
