this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
