I just cut my nipple shaving
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
