so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
