I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
