To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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