just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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