so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
