oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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