I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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