So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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