Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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