It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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