everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
