I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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