All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
