i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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