he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
