My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
