matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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