Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
