My first STD was from a foam party
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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