I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got inside last night via doggy door
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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