ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
