I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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