What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
