do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
