Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize