I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
do nipples grow back?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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