I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
