Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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