Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
