That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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