u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i think my cat just said my name.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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