I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
