Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
