booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
