why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
