I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
