Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
