K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
