the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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