I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
