at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
