I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
