Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
