I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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