this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
