I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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