here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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