I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
