im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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