I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
