I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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