I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
