Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
