Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
