I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i already hear my dad disowning me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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