The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
