He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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