Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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