Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
