I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
